Bread and Wine

“There always comes a time in life when the young men get bored by the bread and wine at home. They look for food elsewhere. The bread and wine of in inns at the crossroads can calm their hunger and thirst for a while. But man cannot spend all his life at the inns.”

Letting Go of Idealism

I like this novel. I like Don Paolo. I live abstractly. I would like to live in reality. I think the point of this novel.. or the point that I am taking away from this.. is that like the quote above.. ereyoung people can seek the fruits of society, of learning, and idealism… but must at some point face reality. They must return home.. return to themselves and their history to find nourishing bread.

There is No Salvation

There cannot be salvation in one’s life nor their death. In order “to live well one must sell their soul.” In order to live as a saint one must also sell their soul. Christina is consumed by wolves. She left the security of her home to aid a man she loves. Alone in the mountains she dies in the jaws of wolves willing to kill without remorse. She is no martyr.. She leaves three older women alone to die. Her platonic ideal of a partner will likely die from the elements or be murdered by fascists.

I do not think Silone’s take is quite as cynical as mine. He implies that one may save their soul by overcoming “his individual, family, class selfishness and frees himself of the idea of the resignation to the existing evil.” I do not think we can overcome ourselves, family, or class. We are condemned to live a life bound by these contraints. Truth and justice can not prevail. Ruthlessnes and might reign supreme.

Men of Good Will

Maybe.. just maybe we can live aside men of good will.. though I do not believe such a man breathes. We intend to act the saint.. but lead our lovers their death by professing ideals we cannot hope to uphold. We intend to create the kingdom of god but must survive within the empire of Caesar. What shall be unto God must be taken from Caesar.

A Meaningful Life

So then we are completely damned.. “no more or less than others” but we are damned to live. I do not know if dedicating oneself to justice is more meaningful than dedicating oneself to wealth and pleasure. To seek either path might simply be to chase egotistic ideals of a life well spent. Maybe there is no meaning. There is no purpose. There just is… as in there just are things that we experience… There is no truth to discover.. there is no hidden path to realization.. there just is.

To Reduce Suffering

And again I attempt to find a purpose.. I can not live principle. I want to reduce my own suffering.. I want to live a life in which I do not suffer for a greater purpose. I do not want to perform rituals to earn the right to live. I do not want to crawl upon my knees for the favor of God.

And yet, I cannot reduce my suffering without causing suffering. I cannot live in peace without being willing to attain my peace by force.. and defend it against those willing to harm.

Reality

I wrote at the beginning of this post.. that I would like to live in reality. I do not really know what this means. I consider reality to be the world devoid of idealism.. The universe as it is..The actions of men are not good nor bad… they just are… The deaths of men, women, and children starved by occupying armies are just the inevitable casualities of reality… I am afraid of this line of thinking. I am deathly afraid of this line of thinking.

Fundamental Right to Life

I want simply to accept a principle that each and every person possesses a fundamantel right to life. This is definitely a construct. This is definitely another form of idealism and abstraction… but I cannot accept the world devoid of meaning. I am afraid by this line of thinking as well.. If dedicated to justice.. heinous acts can be rationalized in the name of a god given right to make right. Thou shall not kill can be rationalized away when another man harms one’s wife.. or children… but to do nothing is to invite the wolves into your home. We are again submitting ourselves to the good will of other men…. possibly wolves covered in fleece.

Condemnation

Thus I am condemned to live.. Disease, loss, pain… there is no escape from suffering. There is no escape for conflict. There is no escape from humanity.

Silone

Back to the novel. I think Silone might think similiarly.. but he does not permit himself to resign to nihilism. He believes in holding true to justice till death. He believes in the life of the martyred saint. He believes in a life of extreme pain and suffering for the salvation of mankind. He and others can live such a life. I on the other hand accept my position in life… a peasant seeking a bit of shelter from the elements between bouts with disease and violence beyond my control.